My wife made an interesting point this weekend, basically asserting that I thought of wild turkeys and wild turkey hunting more than I thought about her and our family. She may have been being glib or she may have been serious (reading between the lines is not my forte), but she may be on to something. With today being Valentine’s Day I was only slightly surprised at how much more I was thinking about the upcoming turkey season (a mere ten weeks away!) than I was about my spouse and the blatant and shameless commercialism of Valentine’s Day. So I thought I’d draft up an impromptu list of ways that the wild turkey and human worlds run somewhat parallel and through simple comparison see which species comes out on top.
Conversation Ability
There are a variety of people I’d never want to hear speak again. The list includes (but is not limited to) Lady Gaga, politicians and pundits of every banner, Maple Leafs fans, that guy who hosts America’s Funniest Home Videos, and everyone on Jersey Shore. I would not really want to talk to any of them, and if they were to talk with me, I’m sure my life would not be any richer for it.
The gobblers? I’m happy to hear from them anytime they want to talk to me and I often find myself trying my best to reach out to them and strike up a conversation. In fact, when a gobbler refuses to talk to me, or says a few things and then stops talking to me altogether, I get all anxious and paranoid; the feeling goes away when I hear the bird sound off again.
Advantage? Gobblers
Ability to Maintain My Interest
Perhaps in the last few years I could be judged to be guilty of being less diligent in getting out and hunting. Of course, my involvement has not dropped off completely and I still get out for twenty or more days a year all told. There is just so much more happening in life what with a job, family, housework, writing, bills to pay, and so much more demands my attention now. Some of it is great; for example my young son is permanently entertaining. Some of it is not so great; think laundering a week’s worth of diapers, or shovelling a four foot wall of heavy wet snow out of the driveway. There are many priorities competing for my attention and keeping them straight can be challenging.
The gobblers? When one of those big, strutting puffballs is around me, I am 100% focused on the task at hand. Nothing holds your attention like a big old tom coming to check out your calling.
Advantage? Gobblers
Impressing the Opposite Sex
(As someone with very little skill at impressing the opposite sex this point will be based strictly on observational data)
At a club, bar, beach, or other suitable gathering place, men will begin a display of their physical fitness by accentuating their size and strength and by occasionally demonstrating their strength and dominance over other males by engaging in acts of physical violence.
The gobblers? They do the same thing, just not at a club, bar, or beach.
Advantage? Draw (almost a win for the gobblers, since they only do it for a few months in the spring before returning to normal, but I’m thinking holistically here so it’s a tie)
Surviving Unaided in the Wilderness
No contest.
Advantage? Gobblers
Manufacturing
People can make almost anything, from hand-worked stone and wooden tools through to massive buildings and very tiny, very complex electronics.
The gobblers? They can’t even build a nest.
Advantage? Humankind
So with a score of 3 to 1 (with 1 draw) the gobblers win. I’m not really surprised, what with the challenges associated with getting close to wild turkeys and observing their behaviour, and this doesn’t mean that I necessarily want to drop out of society and go live in the woods with the turkeys (in fact that experiment would without a doubt end disastrously) but I can say that I certainly find turkeys much more interesting than people, and the score seems to bear that out. I guess my wife was right.
If any one out there has any other humanity vs. gobblers scenarios to add, feel free.